Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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