I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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