Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
