At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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