TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
