i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
