Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
