I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
