There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You are a genius and a whore.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
