I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
