wakey wakey hands off snakey
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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