Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
