I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
