if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
