i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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