The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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