Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize