it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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