Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
