So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
