You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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