The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
