Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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