I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
