Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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