Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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