She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize