it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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