i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
