and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
