Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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