Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
