Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
