dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
