I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
