Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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