I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
