Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A+ Viking dick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
