Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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