Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
