So drunk its hurt
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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