Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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