The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize