Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
