Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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