i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
