i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize