Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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