Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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