I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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