so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
