And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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