The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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