a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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