I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
