ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
