I will die if light touches me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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