If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
