well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
