What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
