My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
