Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
