She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This girl is more easily done than said...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize