My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
