Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
