No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
