I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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