The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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