Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize