I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
