When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
