After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
