Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
