We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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