I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
