finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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