I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
