I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
