I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
