ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
