This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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