just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
