All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
