i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
