Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
