party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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