Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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