he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize