I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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