she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize