If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
